A BYU-Hawai counselor who has worked with students for the past three decades noted in the July 10 devotional address on campus that almost everyone will experience afflictions in life, but we should avoid imposing our own upon ourselves.
"Why is it that being obedient is not enough? Why do we have to undergo trials, afflictions, pain and suffering?" asked Dr. Paul Buckingham, BYU-Hawaii Director of Student Counseling Services.
He cited Joseph Smith as an example of the depth of afflictions people may have to bear. The prophet called out in his suffering from Liberty Jail, "Oh God, where art thou?" [D&C 121:1]. The Lord responded, "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment" [v. 7].
"But we often want to stop hurting now, and what may be a small moment for the Lord is a long time for us," Buckingham said. "As we suffer our trials and afflictions, they seem like so much in the moment, and we want them to stop."
He explained the Lord also told Joseph Smith, "know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good" [122:7].
Buckingham recalled that when he was nearly finished with graduate school, he and his wife found themselves with no money or anything to eat. He finally went to his branch president, who assisted them, "but I was embarrassed by my circumstances and upset with the Lord that He had not spared me that affliction and humiliation."
Three years later, he became president of the same branch, and a woman and her teenage daughter in similar circumstances came to him for help. As he helped, "she sensed that I knew exactly what she was going through," Buckingham said. "I have come to appreciate what Elder Hugh B. Brown has said: 'I am thankful for the experiences I would rather not have had.'"
He told of another woman whose large family was very poor and the husband had been sick for a long time. "In the end, they had to move away to find more support," Buckingham continued, but before she left, the lady said, "I hope we are learning the lessons and principles that the Lord would have us learn."
"Therein is the key to ponder: There are enough afflictions and tribulations in life; and if we let them, they will make us stronger, deepen our character, help us to acquire humility and charity, and instruct us in the valuable lessons of life that the Lord would have us learn," he said. "Yet one of the great tragedies I have witnessed is when good people pass through such pain and sorrow, and emerge nothing better for it."
"There are also some of us who suffer afflictions of our own making. We self-inflict wounds upon our souls that can never be beneficial," Buckingham said. He gave an example of afflicting ourselves as we inevitably compare our weaknesses to the strengths of others.
"If you concentrate on your limitations and compare them to the strengths of others, you will never find your own abilities, powers, capacities and talents," he said.
"Some of you are so intent and focused on your limitations, you fail to see the beauty in yourselves. A number of you spend your entire day looking for the tiniest of faults and never see the radiance in you."
He added, "I see you despise yourselves when you make poor choices. I hear you dwell sometimes for days when you fail to meet the expectations of others, or worse, your own expectations. So many of you place so much value on appearances that you inflict daily wounds on yourselves."
"One of the greatest self-afflictions I see is when a person can't forgive himself," Buckingham continued, pointing out such behavior demonstrates failure to understand the Atonement. "You do not forgive yourselves. Your mistakes seem to dog you all the days of your life. You try to be your own redeemer. I can assure you the Lord knows your grief. He was wounded for our transgressions."
He explained that self-afflictions "should not be confused with the value of your spirit, the worth of your soul, or the price of your inherent goodness." He also encouraged the students to break out of the cycle of self-afflictions by "searching with the Spirit for what is in your heart," and by looking for the goodness there.
"The Lord provides afflictions enough to strengthen you, deepen your charity and enlarge your soul with humility," Buckingham said. "But your self-inflicted afflictions are needless pain and sorrow. Explore with the help of the Lord the wonders and beauty that lie therein and the journey, I assure you, will be beautiful; and you will find peace."
"Look upon yourself as the Lord looks upon you, for the Lord looks upon you as His child," he said.